16 June 2014

I've moved!

I've moved to an all new Wordpress site. I would love for you to hop over and follow me there.

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I look forward to connecting with you again!

01 May 2014

I'm moving!!

Hello again! Well, it's official- I am moving again. No not my home, but my blog. Stay tuned for details- I am in the process of getting all of the feeds moved over, so hopefully you won't have to do anything! :) I'll be back with the official details just to be sure everything has been updated. Can't wait for you all to see it, and for me to get back into the blog that I love so much but just haven't had time for lately!



04 March 2014

Shall we chat?

Well this little blog of mine has taken some fun twists and turns over the years. I never expected it to be what it has become- I always thought it would be just for me and my closest friends and family- so the fact that anyone else read it, ever, was pretty awesome!
Baby A and Miss E in their Valentine's PJ's
Things have been just plain busy around here lately. I usually only get to post when I have something heavy, and it becomes more therapeutic, so I thought I would just post some fun updates tonight since I have things rattling around in this head!

We had a huge storm come through this weekend and it was GLORIOUS!! We needed the rain, we are in the middle of a huge drought and my area is being hit the hardest. The rain brought clean air, clear skies (eventually!) and clarity of the mind!

So I thought I would let go of the storm I have going around in my head and see if it also brings some clarity :)

(Fun fact, we are watching Frozen for the 20th time- and the song Let it Go is on)

The big thing I have been thinking about lately, is how combine my spaces in this blog world. I currently have my family blog and my stephaniegdesigns.com site on Blogger, I have a blog with a friend on Wordpress and I am also considering opening an online store with both blog templates and other print type template (invitations, greeting cards, etc.). Right now, it's a lot in a lot of different places and I would really like to try and combine my personal blog with Stephanie G Designs and have some sort of a store presence on that site as well. I think it would be fun to keep a personal element to the blog, but still be able to blog about design as well! This is possible with Wordpress and since I have some experience with Wordpress, I think it will be the way I head. I don't really like the idea of my blog being called Stephanie G Designs, so I may make a switch there as well to incorporate it all using How Sweet this is and Stephanie G Designs... in one name- easy right!? ;)

This little one has been perfecting her scowl lately and it is cracking me up! Sometime she will make an "ohhhhh" noise and it is even better if accompanied by a sweet smile peaking through!

My kids climb... E has always been a climber and lately Baby A has picked it up! All of these photos below were within about 20 minutes (and a few changes of clothes).
Miss E has got to be one of the most finicky sleepers EVER! She goes to bed late, usually around 9 or so because she's usually been a late riser. That changed recently, much to my disliking. Now, she wakes up between 6:30am and 7:30am, makes her way into my room, asks me to turn on Mickey Mouse and get her a bar (protein bar) and some water. Then she hangs out in my room for an hour or so. But when she started waking earlier, we didn't ever get her to go down earlier, so we are still working on that. The problem is also that we put her down and she will play for 2-3 hours before actually falling asleep, and one week we caught her almost every nap and night time like this... asleep in some position on her chair/ottoman. She is knocked out asleep in those photos- it is only light because of my flash.

Baby A is walking like a pro! She is a happy, funny kid and so sweet! She is a great eater, which is a huge change from our toddler!

Miss E started dance a few weeks ago and it ended right about then as well. The first day she went- she loved it, couldn't stop talking about how she wanted to "dance like Cinderella". Then the second week she had a total meltdown before even getting there and we had to leave, we went back the next day for a makeup class and she did great again. The third week we tried our normal class again, and again she had a meltdown. So we tried to makeup the Saturday class, thinking the afternoons were just too hard... NOPE! She wouldn't go, I told her she either had to go dance with the girls or sit with me for 45 minutes, but since we already paid, she was going to be there. She said, "ok, I'll sit with you for 45 minutes", and she did. This kid! I think we will just stop and start up again next session and see if it's any better. I don't want to push it, and I don't want to keep paying if she won't attend. So we will see!

And just for fun, I just love this photo and these two little ones and their crazy hair. It looks like she is saying, "See? This is how you stand!"
Baby A and my friends little boy
And if you made it through all of that, thanks for reading :) Hope you have a wonderful Tuesday!!

12 February 2014

Selfish Mommy

There was a lot of screaming and crying today- and only about 50% of that came from my kids. Do you ever cry and have no idea why you are crying? That is what the last few days has felt like for me... I felt like my three year old who just couldn't get it together.

It's been a while coming. I feel like I've been barely treading water for sometime and although I am keeping my head above water- it's not enough to thrive, but enough to only survive. After the holidays and birthdays I thought it might get a little easier, but it didn't. Unexpected bills, too little time, too much work, housework that never ends, a husband that works hard and works a lot, no time to myself, laundry that literally grows overnight, dishes that don't ever really get done, not enough sleep, 10lbs that won't get the hell off of me... I am sure you can relate. We all have those stresses- that's life- and then you add in a three year old and all of the attitude that comes with that and I start to see someone I don't really like- myself.
I read this today and it just hit home. It's true- you know when I yell at my kid? It's not when she does something wrong, when she does something wrong I can handle it. I can reason that she is three and really doesn't know different yet. She can throw something at me, kick and scream and yell at me and the whole time I will keep my cool and put her in time-out. But I lose it when I am upset because I haven't done something that I could've done to curb a situation. It's when I have been lazy or selfish. I was running behind and decided not to empty the little potty right before running out the door and forgot about it when we got home. She had to go potty and wanted to bring it into the office where I was crying (why I don't know) chatting with a friend on Facebook. But I didn't empty it and so the trail of pee was following her and had also soaked through her clean pajamas and the rug in her room. I yelled. Why? Because I was mad... at myself. WHY didn't I empty it!? Why didn't I hear her tell me she needed to potty, because even though I don't remember it happening, I am sure she said something. I wasn't listening. I continued crying because I hated the way I reacted, but I couldn't find it in me to react differently. She has seen me cry too many times in the last few days and when she starts to cry with me because she doesn't understand why I am weeping in the car uncontrollably after getting the mail, it breaks my heart, "What's wrong mommy... are you sad?"

Yes... I am sad. I am sad because I don't quite have it together right now. I am sad because I am not on top of it. I am sad because I take it out on my kids. I am sad because they deserve a better version of me. I am sad because in my laziness I fall behind and while frantically trying to catch up my daughter acts like a three year old and doesn't know which version of me she is going to get. I am sad because my most important job right now is to be a mom and I am selfish with my time. I spend too much time on the computer and not enough time on the floor. I spend too much time reading status updates and not enough time reading books. I spend too much time pinning recipes and not enough time baking cookies. I spend too much time cleaning my inbox and not enough time cleaning my home. I spend too much time creating for others and not enough time harboring creativity and creating WITH my kids. My time with them is short, what am I doing with it? Where is the quality?

It's 1am right now, and tomorrow I can wake up and know that they will wake up, wanting every ounce of my attention, kiss me and hug me just like they've done every day before that- it doesn't change... but what will change is my awareness. 

I know all moms have these moments, these times when we feel like we are not enough. It just is what it is... one day, we get it together and feel like we are on top of it, and then we fall again and do it all over. It's just one of those things, one of the stages of being a mom, being an imperfect mom, and being willing to admit that I am just that... imperfect. Loving- definitely, patient- most of the time, perfect- never, accepted by my kids regardless- always.

That's one of the beautiful things about those little ones... they love us right through it all.